Month: September 2008

Equal Time PSA (Pirate Service Announcement) – Pirate Obama’s 2008 Acceptance Speech fer th’ Democratic Party Nomination fer President o’ th’ United States

To Chairman Dean an’ me great matey Dick Durbin; an’ t’ all me swabbie citizens o’ this great nation;

Wi’ profound gratitude an’ great humility, I accept yer nomination fer th’ presidency o’ th’ United States.

Let me express me thanks t’ th’ historic slate o’ scallywags who accompanied me on this journey, an’ especially th’ one who traveled th’ farthest – a champion fer workin’ Americans an’ an inspiration t’ me lasss an’ t’ yours — Pirate Queen Hillary Rodham Clinton. T’ Super Pirate Clinton, who last night made th’ case fer change as only he can make ‘t; t’ Brother Kennedy, who embodies th’ spirit o’ pirate life; an’ t’ th’ next Vice Pirate o’ th’ United States, Joe Biden, I thank ye. I be grateful t’ finish this journey wi’ one o’ th’ finest swordsman o’ our time, a man at ease wi’ sea dogs an’ land lubbers from world leaders t’ th’ bosuns on th’ Amtrak train he still takes homeport ever’ night.

Continue reading "America, we can not turn aft. We cannot keelhaul alone."

PSA (Pirate Service Announcement) – Pirate McCain’s 2008 Acceptance Speech fer th’ Republican Party Nomination fer President o’ th’ United States

Thank ye all very much. Tonight, I be havin’ a privilege gi’en wee Americans — th’ privilege o’ acceptin’ our party’s nomination fer President o’ th’ United States. An’ I accept ‘t wi’ gratitude, humility an’ confidence.

In me life, nay success has come without a good swashbuckle, an’ this nomination wasn’t any different. That’s a tribute t’ th’ other pirates who opposed me an’ the’r scurvy crews. They’re leaders o’ great ability, who love our country, an’ wished t’ lead ‘t t’ better days. The’r support be an honor I won’t forget.

I’m grateful t’ th’ Pirate n’ Chief Bush fer leadin’ us in them dark days followin’ th’ worst attack on American soil in our history, an’ keepin’ us safe from another attack many thought be inevitable; an’ t’ th’ First Trollop, Laura Bush, a model o’ grace an’ kindness in public an’ in private. An’ I’m grateful t’ th’ 41st President an’ his bride o’ 63 voyages, an’ fer the’r outstandin’ example o’ honorable service t’ our country.

As always, I’m indebted t’ me buxom beauty, Cindy, an’ me se’en children. Th’ pleasures o’ family life can seem like a brief holiday from th’ crowded calendar o’ our nation’s business. But I be havin’ treasured them all th’ more, an’ can’t imagine a life without th’ happiness ye give me. Cindy spake a lot o’ nice things about me tonight. But, in truth, she’s more me inspiration than I be hers. Th’ lass’ concern fer them less blessed than we be – victims o’ land mines, children born in poverty an’ wi’ birth defects – shows th’ measure o’ th’ lass’ humanity. I know she will make a great First Lady.

Continue reading “Swashbuckle fer th’ ideals an’ character o’ a free swabbies.”